Well, imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale at WW and found not only had I lost but I lost a significant amount for one week! OK, I had help from a week long migraine that prevented me from enjoying life, let alone food!
As the weeks pass and the weight comes off I'm finding it's getting easier to make food choices. I look at the nutritional value on labels and I know approximately how many points I'm dealing with per serving. I base my choices on a few key questions, first, how hungry am I will I be satisfied with one serving? Am I willing to sacrifice points to satisfy a craving? And if I can then will a half a serving do the trick? Nine times out of ten yes half will do, or even less I find.
Example, I love chips, all kinds, it's the salt I'm sure but they are my weakness. Yesterday there was a bag of All Dressed sitting on the kitchen table that someone in the house opened. Oh believe me I seriously considered blowing ALL my points and eating the entire bag! Then I stopped myself, thought about all the work and success I've had and took one decent sized chip put the bag down and walked away. Will power is not really something I lack apparently. That one chip however tasted great!
In my moments of weakness I find myself recalling exactly why I'm back at Weight Watchers. It took several years to put the pounds on, and in five short weeks I've dropped two sizes! Why would I risk a set back for momentary satisfaction when I know the real satisfaction will be fitting in my "skinny" clothes again? My ultimate goal once I'm where I want to be is to keep it off for good. I know it's possible I know what I did to gain it back and I know I have the will power to commit to keeping it off.
One of my co-workers just returned from a trip to Hawaii and with him he brought chocolate covered Macadamia nuts. Luckily I'm not a huge fan of chocolate and when he offered I said "no thanks" and walked right past. Even now writing about it I have no remorse for not accepting just one little chocolate, after all it would only be maybe one or two points, what I found more satisfying than the taste I passed up is the fact that I can pass it up and not have regret.
Weight Watchers Points + means you CAN eat a whole box of chocolates if you want but you have to be sure to stick to the points you have left to maintain your weight loss. I've used at most maybe three out of the five weeks two to three of my +points. I try to use up all my daily points but was finding that a challenge, now that I'm down to 28 daily points it's been a little easier to use them. If I have points left at the end of the day, I treat myself to whatever will use them up. It's not like there's a lot, maybe two or three at most. But that's enough for 3,2,1 cake and that's perfect.
So onto week 6 and maybe another two pounds? That would be nice.
Tammy.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Week 4, holding steady.
I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I got on the scale this past Saturday. NO CHANGE! What did I expect with the horrible choices I made that week? I should be happy I wasn't up. I ate out twice and although I didn't eat the entire meals they were probably, most definitely loaded with calories! Pair that with zero exercise and well, I have no reason to complain...I didn't gain.
Weigh loss for me is a love-hate relationship. I love that my clothes are starting to not fit in a good way, too loose not too tight. I hate that as the fat comes off the skin takes it's time tightening up. Admittedly, I don't have the skin of the twenty year old me. Two very large babies later I've earned an impressive set of tiger stripes! Add to that reduced fat underneath and a nice (ok not so nice) little apron develops. The bright side? It eventually tightens up and although I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, I'm not as mushy and lumpy as when the process starts. I'm thinking a pair of Spanx are in order for the time being.
As this week progresses, I know I'm down again. I've been very diligent with keeping track, drinking water and not going over my allotted 29 daily points. I feel, thinner. I'm afraid to step on the scale so I'll leave that to weigh in Saturday morning. Judging by how my normally well fitting pants feel like I'm swimming in them I think I'm on the right track. Now to just get my butt to the gym...I know, I know, wasn't that my goal for last week too? Ya, easier said than done once I'm home. Going back out doesn't seem worth the effort. I guess I'll have to make a shift in that thinking if I expect to continue to loose. I'm almost 1/3 of the way there, I can't stop now!
Tammy.
Weigh loss for me is a love-hate relationship. I love that my clothes are starting to not fit in a good way, too loose not too tight. I hate that as the fat comes off the skin takes it's time tightening up. Admittedly, I don't have the skin of the twenty year old me. Two very large babies later I've earned an impressive set of tiger stripes! Add to that reduced fat underneath and a nice (ok not so nice) little apron develops. The bright side? It eventually tightens up and although I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, I'm not as mushy and lumpy as when the process starts. I'm thinking a pair of Spanx are in order for the time being.
As this week progresses, I know I'm down again. I've been very diligent with keeping track, drinking water and not going over my allotted 29 daily points. I feel, thinner. I'm afraid to step on the scale so I'll leave that to weigh in Saturday morning. Judging by how my normally well fitting pants feel like I'm swimming in them I think I'm on the right track. Now to just get my butt to the gym...I know, I know, wasn't that my goal for last week too? Ya, easier said than done once I'm home. Going back out doesn't seem worth the effort. I guess I'll have to make a shift in that thinking if I expect to continue to loose. I'm almost 1/3 of the way there, I can't stop now!
Tammy.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Weeks 2 and 3, DONE!
I just realised I missed week 2's update, no worries I'll take care of it with week 3 now that I'm halfway through week 4! Better late than never I always (sometimes) say.
So, what happened in week 2? Well, I'll tell ya. Not much. I switched my weigh-in to Thursday night so I could attend with a friend (I'm a poet too!) and well as I suspected would happen I was up .4lbs. This is not too concerning because it is evening weight and two days earlier than my normal weigh-in. When I weighed myself on my lovely new scale that does everything I was down another few pounds ending week 2 at a loss of 7.4lbs. I did manage a little exercise that week but alas, not my favourite thing to do so avoidance seems to work its way into my routine. I did however start taking vitamins on a regular basis so that's something, right?
Week three, a little disappointing but in defence it was a weird week. My son was off school all week sick and when I'm faced with stressful situations I stop eating, which is a bad thing. How's that? You ask. Well, it slows the metabolism. I am currently eating small amounts every couple of hours, a constant stream of food (healthy, vegetable type food) is entering my body and this keeps my metabolism going, when I stop so does it and it's noticeable. I felt like crap during week 3 and when I weighed-in on Saturday (yup, back to Saturday morning) I was only down 1.2lbs BOOOO! My hope was to loose 2lbs a week, but without exercise which I managed to avoid all through week three what did I expect? My biggest challenge I think this week was drinking water. I loath water it's friggin boring. I tried it with lemon, I tried it with cucumber and finally made it palatable with Tetley Infusions, which are fine but I didn't dare check to see how many points they're worth, guess I should though if I'm going to continue using them.
As week 4 winds up I know there have been some set backs. Like the giant box of chocolates that found their way into my home, I had two. Then there was taking my son out for dinner and having the richest creamiest item on the menu of which I only ate a third, knowing this wouldn't end well if I indulged. Will power is something I don't struggle with. Oh, right the chocolate, ya, I had some extra points at the end of the day so I ate chocolate. Not a habit I'm willing to make though.
On the bright side, my clothes are fitting loosely and it's been noticed. One of my co-workers who recalls my first go round with WW couldn't believe he could see a difference right away. I think it's because I'm tall, and I loose weight in a strange way, at least I think it's strange. It seems I loose from the top down, like it's being pulled away by gravity. I've heard that you loose first where you gained last. For me that would be my extremities and upper body. I'm pear shaped so the butt, thighs and stomach are where I hold most of my weight. Once I start loosing though, the fat seems to soften first and then dissipate. I go through a series of shape changes as I'm loosing and it's frustrating because my clothes fit weird as this is happening, then they just don't fit at all, which is a good thing.
Well, that's it for my update. If there is anyone in the Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody area interested in trying out WeighWatchers please feel free to send me a message. Once you figure out how to work the program I assure you it works and you won't starve to death and you can use your own food. There is nothing you can't do that you set your mind to. Except for one thing, men can't have babies, no matter how hard you try. (A little humour for today) Then again, there is the poo baby I'm sure some men have given birth too...EEEWWWWEEEE I know sorry.
Tammy.
So, what happened in week 2? Well, I'll tell ya. Not much. I switched my weigh-in to Thursday night so I could attend with a friend (I'm a poet too!) and well as I suspected would happen I was up .4lbs. This is not too concerning because it is evening weight and two days earlier than my normal weigh-in. When I weighed myself on my lovely new scale that does everything I was down another few pounds ending week 2 at a loss of 7.4lbs. I did manage a little exercise that week but alas, not my favourite thing to do so avoidance seems to work its way into my routine. I did however start taking vitamins on a regular basis so that's something, right?
Week three, a little disappointing but in defence it was a weird week. My son was off school all week sick and when I'm faced with stressful situations I stop eating, which is a bad thing. How's that? You ask. Well, it slows the metabolism. I am currently eating small amounts every couple of hours, a constant stream of food (healthy, vegetable type food) is entering my body and this keeps my metabolism going, when I stop so does it and it's noticeable. I felt like crap during week 3 and when I weighed-in on Saturday (yup, back to Saturday morning) I was only down 1.2lbs BOOOO! My hope was to loose 2lbs a week, but without exercise which I managed to avoid all through week three what did I expect? My biggest challenge I think this week was drinking water. I loath water it's friggin boring. I tried it with lemon, I tried it with cucumber and finally made it palatable with Tetley Infusions, which are fine but I didn't dare check to see how many points they're worth, guess I should though if I'm going to continue using them.
As week 4 winds up I know there have been some set backs. Like the giant box of chocolates that found their way into my home, I had two. Then there was taking my son out for dinner and having the richest creamiest item on the menu of which I only ate a third, knowing this wouldn't end well if I indulged. Will power is something I don't struggle with. Oh, right the chocolate, ya, I had some extra points at the end of the day so I ate chocolate. Not a habit I'm willing to make though.
On the bright side, my clothes are fitting loosely and it's been noticed. One of my co-workers who recalls my first go round with WW couldn't believe he could see a difference right away. I think it's because I'm tall, and I loose weight in a strange way, at least I think it's strange. It seems I loose from the top down, like it's being pulled away by gravity. I've heard that you loose first where you gained last. For me that would be my extremities and upper body. I'm pear shaped so the butt, thighs and stomach are where I hold most of my weight. Once I start loosing though, the fat seems to soften first and then dissipate. I go through a series of shape changes as I'm loosing and it's frustrating because my clothes fit weird as this is happening, then they just don't fit at all, which is a good thing.
Well, that's it for my update. If there is anyone in the Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody area interested in trying out WeighWatchers please feel free to send me a message. Once you figure out how to work the program I assure you it works and you won't starve to death and you can use your own food. There is nothing you can't do that you set your mind to. Except for one thing, men can't have babies, no matter how hard you try. (A little humour for today) Then again, there is the poo baby I'm sure some men have given birth too...EEEWWWWEEEE I know sorry.
Tammy.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Week 1 DONE!
On January 26th 2013 I started back at Weight Watchers. My starting weight was about 12lbs over the weight I started at when I did WW back in 2006 which means 12 extra pounds I need to get rid of in order to reach my original goal weight. NO PROBLEM!
I must admit, the decision to start at WW again took far too long but up until now I really wasn't ready to make the commitment. What changed? The video in the previous post had a huge impact on me and I will be eternally grateful for having the opportunity to witness such a remarkable transformation. One I know I would not have been capable of. My own journey is daunting enough for me.
So my first week went well, the scale at the WW weigh in was exactly 4lbs less than the week before. My first week usually is a good one, probably because of the added water I retain because of the lack of water I drink. I'm never without my water bottle and when I misplace it I'm in full on panic mode! That coupled with the exorbitant amount of fruit and vegetables I'm eating has I'm sure made a difference. No more empty calories for me!
The nice part about WW is you don't have to eat their food. You can eat your own and just calculate the points. The on line tools are amazing, something that wasn't available in the same capacity the first time around. And my iPhone app, well best invention since sliced bread I tell you! No more writing down everything I consume, with a few taps I'm done!
So, this week my goal is to eat a larger variety of fruits and veggies, exercise twice this week and increase my intake of water. I added a multi vitamin late last week and so far haven't missed a day. Stay tuned for the next weigh-in. I'm going to switch to Thursday night so it won't be a full week and it's in the evening so I don't expect a huge drop like week one. All in all, I'm OK with that because I know this is just the beginning and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Weight Watchers works, it really does. And if you're sitting there telling me "well, it didn't work for me" then I hate to tell you, you didn't do it right. Or, maybe you weren't ready to commit.
Tammy.
I must admit, the decision to start at WW again took far too long but up until now I really wasn't ready to make the commitment. What changed? The video in the previous post had a huge impact on me and I will be eternally grateful for having the opportunity to witness such a remarkable transformation. One I know I would not have been capable of. My own journey is daunting enough for me.
So my first week went well, the scale at the WW weigh in was exactly 4lbs less than the week before. My first week usually is a good one, probably because of the added water I retain because of the lack of water I drink. I'm never without my water bottle and when I misplace it I'm in full on panic mode! That coupled with the exorbitant amount of fruit and vegetables I'm eating has I'm sure made a difference. No more empty calories for me!
The nice part about WW is you don't have to eat their food. You can eat your own and just calculate the points. The on line tools are amazing, something that wasn't available in the same capacity the first time around. And my iPhone app, well best invention since sliced bread I tell you! No more writing down everything I consume, with a few taps I'm done!
So, this week my goal is to eat a larger variety of fruits and veggies, exercise twice this week and increase my intake of water. I added a multi vitamin late last week and so far haven't missed a day. Stay tuned for the next weigh-in. I'm going to switch to Thursday night so it won't be a full week and it's in the evening so I don't expect a huge drop like week one. All in all, I'm OK with that because I know this is just the beginning and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Weight Watchers works, it really does. And if you're sitting there telling me "well, it didn't work for me" then I hate to tell you, you didn't do it right. Or, maybe you weren't ready to commit.
Tammy.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Inspiration
I came across a video this morning on facebook. It was posted by a friend from high school (thanks Kim) and it has inspired me to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself. My cousin said it best after viewing the shared video, and I quote "Wow amazing. I now know I am responsible for my own limitations in life."
The video and her words made me realise that I AM my own worst enemy, we all are. I've been feeling really down lately and a lot has to do with not feeling happy with my appearance. Granted I don't have the health issues this guy overcame but with my messed up back it's only a matter of time and I'm quickly headed in that direction.
I realise that the whole point of Spilt Milk was to help others. Truthfully though how could I possibly help anyone feeling the way I do about myself? That's just impossible. So for the time being, Spilt Milk will be my forum for chronicling my transformation and with that hope to inspire those of you kind enough to read my posts as much as this man, and my very smart cousin have inspired me.
To see what I'm referring to please watch this video here and report back if you are not in the least bit inspired to get off your butt and do something to improve your life. I promise you will thank yourself for making the decision to be a better you. I know I have a battle ahead of me but I also know that I can do it. I've done it once already and I know exactly what it takes. It takes me not feeling sorry for myself, it takes me not procrastinating about it and it takes me being tired of being a fraction of the person I am meant to be.
Here's your challenge, share or keep it personal. Make the decision to make a change in your life and then DO IT!!!! Get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just DO IT! I do want to add however, if you are in a place that paralyzes you from making changes, get help. My telling you to get off your ass is of no benefit if you are not in the right mind set to do this with a healthy attitude.
So for now, I'll say. GOOD LUCK to all of you out there who accept this challenge and I look forward to seeing not only my progress but yours as well.
Tammy.
The video and her words made me realise that I AM my own worst enemy, we all are. I've been feeling really down lately and a lot has to do with not feeling happy with my appearance. Granted I don't have the health issues this guy overcame but with my messed up back it's only a matter of time and I'm quickly headed in that direction.
I realise that the whole point of Spilt Milk was to help others. Truthfully though how could I possibly help anyone feeling the way I do about myself? That's just impossible. So for the time being, Spilt Milk will be my forum for chronicling my transformation and with that hope to inspire those of you kind enough to read my posts as much as this man, and my very smart cousin have inspired me.
To see what I'm referring to please watch this video here and report back if you are not in the least bit inspired to get off your butt and do something to improve your life. I promise you will thank yourself for making the decision to be a better you. I know I have a battle ahead of me but I also know that I can do it. I've done it once already and I know exactly what it takes. It takes me not feeling sorry for myself, it takes me not procrastinating about it and it takes me being tired of being a fraction of the person I am meant to be.
Here's your challenge, share or keep it personal. Make the decision to make a change in your life and then DO IT!!!! Get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just DO IT! I do want to add however, if you are in a place that paralyzes you from making changes, get help. My telling you to get off your ass is of no benefit if you are not in the right mind set to do this with a healthy attitude.
So for now, I'll say. GOOD LUCK to all of you out there who accept this challenge and I look forward to seeing not only my progress but yours as well.
Tammy.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Reflections Of 2012
2012 was supposed to wind up with the world as we know it ending. Thing is, every year ends that way. January is for all intents and purposes a fresh start a new beginning, a reset and a chance to do it all over again. That is for most of us. 2012 was the end for a few people in my life. They don't get another chance to do 2013 right, for them 2012 was the end of their world.
Losing a loved one is hard no matter who you are or how tough you think you are it hurts. It's supposed to hurt, it's as if their connection to you has been ripped from your body and in all fairness it kind of has and that is why, I believe, it physically hurts. It's why we grieve it's not just emotional it's physical. It's painful. And it's OK!
As I look back on 2012 I have to admit I for one am happy it's over. It wasn't an easy year and as I look ahead to 2013 I know that I've been given another chance to do things differently. It's not really about right or wrong, it's about different. Making different choices will have a more positive impact on my life, on the lives of my kids and those closest to me. I can look at 2012 and say, ok, what worked and what didn't? What should I do differently and what can stay the same? It's what moving ahead needs, it's knowing what didn't work and not repeating it.
As you sit and reflect on 2012, make sure you express gratitude for lessons learned and experience gained. That's what life is about. I'm 45 and I've still got a lot to learn. I'm not done, not even close. The way I see it, if my 67 year old technologically inept dad can learn how to navigate the iPad we got him for Christmas then learning is definitely a life long task and one to be embraced and enjoyed because eventually there will come a year that will be your last and don't you want to make it an awesome year at that?
Tammy.
Losing a loved one is hard no matter who you are or how tough you think you are it hurts. It's supposed to hurt, it's as if their connection to you has been ripped from your body and in all fairness it kind of has and that is why, I believe, it physically hurts. It's why we grieve it's not just emotional it's physical. It's painful. And it's OK!
As I look back on 2012 I have to admit I for one am happy it's over. It wasn't an easy year and as I look ahead to 2013 I know that I've been given another chance to do things differently. It's not really about right or wrong, it's about different. Making different choices will have a more positive impact on my life, on the lives of my kids and those closest to me. I can look at 2012 and say, ok, what worked and what didn't? What should I do differently and what can stay the same? It's what moving ahead needs, it's knowing what didn't work and not repeating it.
As you sit and reflect on 2012, make sure you express gratitude for lessons learned and experience gained. That's what life is about. I'm 45 and I've still got a lot to learn. I'm not done, not even close. The way I see it, if my 67 year old technologically inept dad can learn how to navigate the iPad we got him for Christmas then learning is definitely a life long task and one to be embraced and enjoyed because eventually there will come a year that will be your last and don't you want to make it an awesome year at that?
Tammy.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Ownership
The issue of ownership came up this past weekend for me in conversations with a few different people. Ownership is an interesting word, one that so many people really don't understand on a deeper level than the superficial.
When you own something it's yours, simple. We think material possessions something tangible. But ownership goes far deeper. I'm referring to owning your problems, your issues, your "crap" on a non-tangible personal level.
When you take ownership of your problems you put yourself in a position of dealing with them and becoming a better person in the long run. Taking ownership is tremendously painful for some, it means letting go of ego and admitting you are not the perfect specimen you make yourself out to be. Owning your crap means ceasing to project it onto others all that is wrong with you. We are human we are far from perfect, each and every one of us. We need to first and foremost, own this reality for ourselves.
The conversations I was involved in had to do with adults projecting their crap onto their own offspring, specifically. It's this projection that inevitably damages relationships, sometimes beyond repair. When an adult who is seen to be "all knowing" in a child's eyes starts projecting their "crap" onto said child imagine what that does to the psyche of this child. What did they do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. Yet they are being forced ownership of anothers short comings.
I know of three instances of parents doing this to their own kids. How can that be? Who in their right mind would do this, you ask? Well those individuals driven by ego. That's who. They may see in their child all their bad habits and rather than changing themselves rather than taking ownership, guiding and teaching their children, they point fingers. They tell the child they are wrong even if the infraction is minor, they blow it out of proportion because when viewing it, the "offence" is magnified because it's there, in their head buried under the ego that is struggling to suppress it.
How can we help these ego driven projectionists. Honestly I don't think you can. It would mean pointing out their shortcomings and letting them know they are wrong. This doesn't bode well for someone who views themselves as perfect. You can address the issue, but please, expect to have it turned around and handed right back to you, you will now be the cause and owner of brand new "crap". Crap that wasn't yours to begin with. You cannot change someone. No matter how hard you try you are wasting your time and effort. Change only comes when the individual seeking it is ready to invest the time and effort to make such a change.
Ignoring this behaviour is a safe solution, except it doesn't do much to stop this particular form of abuse. The projectionist will continue to project and the receiver will continue to receive, and possibly learn to project as a way to protect themselves. Thus creating a whole generation of individuals who cannot own their "crap".
I would so love to see ego driven projectors take ownership but without the desire to do so they will always be who they are. Your only defence is to figure out how to hand it back to them, say no thank you I don't want this. A hypothetical example of this would be. The projector, chastises and criticizes someone for behaving badly (in their opinion) yet the behaviour is similar if not exactly that of the projector. The projector blames external catalysts for this behaviour unrelated to themselves, however, for themselves it's perfectly acceptable to behave in such a way. It's acceptable because they don't see it in themselves. The ego protects them from seeing how they really are and if you call them on it you will see a rage like never before, rage and utter denial. It's far easier to blame others than to see their own faults. So for the receiver, calling them on it can potentially lead to greater problems. However if you stand firm and not accept the responsibility of owning what they are projecting then they may see that you are not an easy target after all. A simple "I don't see it that way" might just set them straight.
Ownership of ones issues, for some, is a difficult task. Yet for the vast majority of us we understand the requirement to not let our ego dictate how we conduct ourselves. Yet that minority who doesn't understand seem far louder and destructive. Why because anything that is harmful to someone else is seen as a
We all know someone who acts this way. What I would like each and every one of you reading this to do this week is to self asses. Consider your actions and reactions and ask yourself is this my ego acting or is it me. AM I projecting onto someone else because I cannot accept that maybe it is my actions and reactions causing this problem. What AM I doing to contribute to the conflict and how can I re-position myself to OWN my part in it. We all see the other person as wrong when they don't agree with out position but why not see yourself as the one in the wrong, why not try to see the other persons point of view and find a way to work through the issue without projecting but rather owning your part in it.
I would love to hear feed back on this exercise as I'm hoping to add weekly exercises to help each and every one of you with issues you may be encountering. Knowing what you need help with will help me develop this page to it's fullest potential.
Thanks for reading,
Tammy.
When you own something it's yours, simple. We think material possessions something tangible. But ownership goes far deeper. I'm referring to owning your problems, your issues, your "crap" on a non-tangible personal level.
When you take ownership of your problems you put yourself in a position of dealing with them and becoming a better person in the long run. Taking ownership is tremendously painful for some, it means letting go of ego and admitting you are not the perfect specimen you make yourself out to be. Owning your crap means ceasing to project it onto others all that is wrong with you. We are human we are far from perfect, each and every one of us. We need to first and foremost, own this reality for ourselves.
The conversations I was involved in had to do with adults projecting their crap onto their own offspring, specifically. It's this projection that inevitably damages relationships, sometimes beyond repair. When an adult who is seen to be "all knowing" in a child's eyes starts projecting their "crap" onto said child imagine what that does to the psyche of this child. What did they do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. Yet they are being forced ownership of anothers short comings.
I know of three instances of parents doing this to their own kids. How can that be? Who in their right mind would do this, you ask? Well those individuals driven by ego. That's who. They may see in their child all their bad habits and rather than changing themselves rather than taking ownership, guiding and teaching their children, they point fingers. They tell the child they are wrong even if the infraction is minor, they blow it out of proportion because when viewing it, the "offence" is magnified because it's there, in their head buried under the ego that is struggling to suppress it.
How can we help these ego driven projectionists. Honestly I don't think you can. It would mean pointing out their shortcomings and letting them know they are wrong. This doesn't bode well for someone who views themselves as perfect. You can address the issue, but please, expect to have it turned around and handed right back to you, you will now be the cause and owner of brand new "crap". Crap that wasn't yours to begin with. You cannot change someone. No matter how hard you try you are wasting your time and effort. Change only comes when the individual seeking it is ready to invest the time and effort to make such a change.
Ignoring this behaviour is a safe solution, except it doesn't do much to stop this particular form of abuse. The projectionist will continue to project and the receiver will continue to receive, and possibly learn to project as a way to protect themselves. Thus creating a whole generation of individuals who cannot own their "crap".
I would so love to see ego driven projectors take ownership but without the desire to do so they will always be who they are. Your only defence is to figure out how to hand it back to them, say no thank you I don't want this. A hypothetical example of this would be. The projector, chastises and criticizes someone for behaving badly (in their opinion) yet the behaviour is similar if not exactly that of the projector. The projector blames external catalysts for this behaviour unrelated to themselves, however, for themselves it's perfectly acceptable to behave in such a way. It's acceptable because they don't see it in themselves. The ego protects them from seeing how they really are and if you call them on it you will see a rage like never before, rage and utter denial. It's far easier to blame others than to see their own faults. So for the receiver, calling them on it can potentially lead to greater problems. However if you stand firm and not accept the responsibility of owning what they are projecting then they may see that you are not an easy target after all. A simple "I don't see it that way" might just set them straight.
Ownership of ones issues, for some, is a difficult task. Yet for the vast majority of us we understand the requirement to not let our ego dictate how we conduct ourselves. Yet that minority who doesn't understand seem far louder and destructive. Why because anything that is harmful to someone else is seen as a
We all know someone who acts this way. What I would like each and every one of you reading this to do this week is to self asses. Consider your actions and reactions and ask yourself is this my ego acting or is it me. AM I projecting onto someone else because I cannot accept that maybe it is my actions and reactions causing this problem. What AM I doing to contribute to the conflict and how can I re-position myself to OWN my part in it. We all see the other person as wrong when they don't agree with out position but why not see yourself as the one in the wrong, why not try to see the other persons point of view and find a way to work through the issue without projecting but rather owning your part in it.
I would love to hear feed back on this exercise as I'm hoping to add weekly exercises to help each and every one of you with issues you may be encountering. Knowing what you need help with will help me develop this page to it's fullest potential.
Thanks for reading,
Tammy.
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