WOW! Almost a year?

I can not believe it's been a year since I've posted anything... that's so sad :(


My only excuse, I've been busy...very, very busy.  My life has change exponentially since last May and in retrospect 100% for the better.  Well mostly ;)


With the intent to jump back on the blogging bandwagon I'm not going to go into the details of my personal life...let's just say I'm very happy with where I am and am looking forward to a wonderful future.


In short, since May...


My legal affairs with my ex-husband are now in order (for the most part) the divorce was final March 1st of this year.


The man I lived with for six years after my separation moved out of the townhouse we own together.  It's now a business partnership of sorts and amicable at the moment.  These things can change at the drop of a hat so I'm not committing to my previous comment.


I have a second son...a Chinese home stay student.  He's 15 and for the most part easy to "parent" we've has our moments and rules have had to be enforced and re-enforced but things there are good.


My beautiful intelligent daughter is very close to attaining her N and will have a whole new found freedom that goes with it.  She's still amazingly successful in school and looking forward to her last year of high school "finally!"


My darling son, well things are as usual all over the place with him.  He struggles with school and has decided to get a head start on next year by enrolling in summer school.  He wants to take two classes but I think I'll limit him to one.  No sense in overwhelming him, he doesn't do well when that happens. He is thoroughly enjoying his cook training class and works in the school cafeteria often...might be for the free lunches though.


Life for me this past year has been about lessons.  Lessons in acceptance, lessons in letting go, lessons in embracing change and not fighting it.  I've learned that people come and go in our lives to help us grow into the best versions of ourselves the versions we are meant to become before our time here is done.  I've learned that the issues of others are none of my business as much as my issues are none of theirs.  I've learned to own my life in order to be able to share it.  I've learned that compromise is not always the best policy. I've learned that it's easier to love others when first I love myself and finally I've learned that unconditional love does exist, it is real. Oh, and I've learned the difference between "attachment" and truly loving someone.


It's been a great year and a trying year.  What I'm looking forward to in this next twelve months is, well, for me to know and you to find out, so stay tuned and I promise I won't wait another year to let you in on my spilt milk.


With much love and light,
Tammy.

Sticktoitiveness!

Nice word, sticktoitiveness...not a real word obviously but a good descriptive of something I struggle with daily. 

Last night as we were driving home my son asked me what I had for dinner.  He had a baseball game at 6:30pm which meant he had to be at the field by 5:30pm to practice, which in turn meant he ate at his dads and I rushed him to his game.  I told him, as I was dropping him off, that I would be back after I had something to eat. Thus the reason for his question.

I wasn't exactly "good" about my dinner choice.  As I was driving around Pitt Meadows looking for something fast and easy I passed McDonald's, thought about it for a moment and decided it wasn't worth the risk.  Continuing on I came across a Vera's Burgers.  Better choice? Maybe, but still not great. 

Then my issue with sticktoitiveness kicked in and I made an executive decision to go for it! After all I've been really good so far this week, my lunches consisted of lots of vegetables and fruits so all good there.  I had 19 points left for the day, I get 26 for the whole day (for anyone who doesn't know this, I'm doing Weight Watchers, they use a point system).  19 is plenty for dinner, normally more than I usually have by the end of the day so I figured Vera's would be fine. 

I ordered the Baja Burger, soooooo good! With sweet potato fries and a diet Coke. According to my points calculator my burger was worth 12 points! And damn it sure was!!! The sweet potato fries (for the amount I ate) were 6, again, well worth it.  Diet pop of any kind is 0.  So when I told my son what I had as we drove, he voiced his concern about my sticking to my plan.

He doesn't quite get how the points work so I explained that and added that I have extra points if needed, 49 extra points.  We talked about how I had done WW before and reached my goal, maintained it and achieved life time.  He commented that I should have stuck with it back then so I wouldn't have to do it again.  Sticktoitiveness.  Ya, not so good at that.  I love food,  I love eating I'm a true hedonist when it comes to all things culinary! But for my son I'll stick to it!

He's concerned that I'll go back to my old habits, thinking I can eat whatever I want.  Honestly, I worry about that too.  Being aware is half the battle though, knowing your limits is the rest.  I've learned that I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want in whatever quantity suits me.  I know I will have to "watch" my food choices in order to maintain a healthy weight and I know that I'm going to have to exercise whether I like it or not!

Good ol' sticktoitiveness...I can do it!

Tammy.

Exercise IS a four letter word!

In my vocabulary anyway...

So as you all know, because I've stuffed it down your throats, I'm doing the Weight Watchers thing to loose weight.  To date I'm down 22.8lbs!  Yeah me!  But there is a component to this process I've avoided like the plague!  Exercise! Hate it! Guess I'm lazy at heart!

I have a busy life, mostly spent attending to my teens.  I also work full time and only have Saturday and Sunday to do my things, which usually ends up being their things so when would I exercise anyway?  OK maybe I could squeeze something in after work between rushing home to make dinner then rushing back out to get to the variously required events my kids are involved in, ya, maybe I could do something (said with rolling eyes) but I don't.  Partly the time constraints, partly the crappy weather, partly I HATE exercise (did I say that already?)  I think you get the point.

I have a theory.  Wanna hear it?  No? Too bad, gonna tell ya anyway! 

I need my weight loss to be the result of my changing my eating habits and not as a result of exercising along with this change.  I did that the last time and when I stopped as I know I will again I gained it all back.  If I can loose weight in spite of not exercising then it shouldn't matter once I do start if I should choose to stop again.  My weight loss is not going to be a result of exercise.  Exercise will be complimentary to my maintenance instead.  That and I'm in terrible shape so it's going to HURT and I don't like pain, of any kind!

So for now I'll keep telling myself, for me, I'm doing this the right way and when I'm ready to get back to the "crunch" I will.  The day is coming as soon as the temperature outside is a little better than freaking freezing and the damn rain stops, I'll get at it.  But for now, I'm going to continue to eat rabbit food (LOL) and count my points.  Love counting points! It's awesome!!!

Tammy.

Weeks 6, 7, 8 & 9...a little behind I think.

Oh, and yes my behind is much littler!

Ok, where to start...week 6.  Not much of a loss that week, can't really recall why probably fell off the wagon or as seems the cycle my loss is over a two week period not one.  It did put me at 13lbs lighter and fitting clothes I haven't warn in a while, so not complaining at all!

Week 7, a decent 2.8lbs gone marking my 15.8lb loss at March 16th a short 49 days from my start on this go round with WW. 

Week 8, down 3.8lbs!  This was significant because I earned my 10% award from WW a key ring to which I will add a star for 25lbs when achieved and a key for my lifetime achievement.  This will be my second full key chain and hopefully my last! I honestly thought, when I started, this was going to be hard.  So far I'm surprised at how easy it is.  Yes it's work but man is it worth it!  Fitting a size 9/10 (says that on the label) skirt I bought in 2006 after I lost the first time was motivation enough to keep going. 

Week 9, Easter long weekend! And I totally blew the points at Easter dinner on the Friday before weigh in.  UGH!  Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it.  There is no WW in Quesnel.  I got on my parents scale and I was up 2lbs! YUCK!!!! However in my defence it was food weight not fat because by Tuesday when I got on the scale I was back down and less than my week 8 weight.  Undigested food is very heavy, 2.6lbs worth.  TMI? Sorry.

This week I've been really good about what I'm eating.  Making sure I get all my fruits and veggies in as well as water, a figgin tonne of water!  I'm interested to see if I hit my next target, I only need to loose 2lbs to do it but with the way my weight loss cycle has been going I think I might have to wait another week to hit that one.  That's ok, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and only having 12lbs to go I'm pleased with my progress thus far.

I didn't take before pictures, I have enough snapshots to show how ummm large I was (was, love that word)  when I'm done however I will post an after picture and be plenty proud to do so!

On a side note, on of my co-workers asked me if I was sick because he noticed I was getting thinner.  This was a little concerning because although I've been loosing quickly, just over 2lbs a week.  I've not been starving myself.  I eat all day long! You should see my lunches!  I guess it's noticeable!  No, for the record I'm not sick!  I'm not anorexic, I still eat and keep it all down, I'm not that desperate to loose the weight that I would harm myself.  Besides I love food and eating far too much to deprive myself.  Ask anyone who's eaten with me...I eat!

Tammy.

Week 5, DONE! With Tremendous Success!!!

Well, imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale at WW and found not only had I lost but I lost a significant amount for one week!  OK, I had help from a week long migraine that prevented me from enjoying life, let alone food!

As the weeks pass and the weight comes off I'm finding it's getting easier to make food choices.  I look at the nutritional value on labels and I know approximately how many points I'm dealing with per serving.  I base my choices on a few key questions, first, how hungry am I will I be satisfied with one serving?  Am I willing to sacrifice points to satisfy a craving? And if I can then will a half a serving do the trick?  Nine times out of ten yes half will do, or even less I find.

Example, I love chips, all kinds, it's the salt I'm sure but they are my weakness.  Yesterday there was a bag of All Dressed sitting on the kitchen table that someone in the house opened.  Oh believe me I seriously considered blowing ALL my points and eating the entire bag!  Then I stopped myself, thought about all the work and success I've had and took one decent sized chip put the bag down and walked away.  Will power is not really something I lack apparently.  That one chip however tasted great!

In my moments of weakness I find myself recalling exactly why I'm back at Weight Watchers.  It took several years to put the pounds on, and in five short weeks I've dropped two sizes!  Why would I risk a set back for momentary satisfaction when I know the real satisfaction will be fitting in my "skinny" clothes again?  My ultimate goal once I'm where I want to be is to keep it off for good.  I know it's possible I know what I did to gain it back and I know I have the will power to commit to keeping it off.

One of my co-workers just returned from a trip to Hawaii and with him he brought chocolate covered Macadamia nuts.  Luckily I'm not a huge fan of chocolate and when he offered I said "no thanks" and walked right past.  Even now writing about it I have no remorse for not accepting just one little chocolate, after all it would only be maybe one or two points, what I found more satisfying than the taste I passed up is the fact that I can pass it up and not have regret. 

Weight Watchers Points + means you CAN eat a whole box of chocolates if you want but you have to be sure to stick to the points you have left to maintain your weight loss.  I've used at most maybe three out of the five weeks two to three of my +points.  I try to use up all my daily points but was finding that a challenge, now that I'm down to 28 daily points it's been a little easier to use them.  If I have points left at the end of the day, I treat myself to whatever will use them up.  It's not like there's a lot, maybe two or three at most.  But that's enough for 3,2,1 cake and that's perfect.

So onto week 6 and maybe another two pounds?  That would be nice.
Tammy.

Week 4, holding steady.

I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I got on the scale this past Saturday.  NO CHANGE! What did I expect with the horrible choices I made that week?  I should be happy I wasn't up.  I ate out twice and although I didn't eat the entire meals they were probably, most definitely loaded with calories! Pair that with zero exercise and well, I have no reason to complain...I didn't gain.

Weigh loss for me is a love-hate relationship.  I love that my clothes are starting to not fit in a good way, too loose not too tight.  I hate that as the fat comes off the skin takes it's time tightening up.  Admittedly, I don't have the skin of the twenty year old me.  Two very large babies later I've earned an impressive set of tiger stripes! Add to that reduced fat underneath and a nice (ok not so nice) little apron develops.  The bright side?  It eventually tightens up and although I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, I'm not as mushy and lumpy as when the process starts.  I'm thinking a pair of Spanx are in order for the time being.

As this week progresses, I know I'm down again.  I've been very diligent with keeping track, drinking water and not going over my allotted 29 daily points.  I feel, thinner.  I'm afraid to step on the scale so I'll leave that to weigh in Saturday morning.  Judging by how my normally well fitting pants feel like I'm swimming in them I think I'm on the right track.  Now to just get my butt to the gym...I know, I know, wasn't that my goal for last week too?  Ya, easier said than done once I'm home.  Going back out doesn't seem worth the effort.  I guess I'll have to make a shift in that thinking if I expect to continue to loose.  I'm almost 1/3 of the way there, I can't stop now!

Tammy.

Week 1 DONE!

On January 26th 2013 I started back at Weight Watchers.  My starting weight was about 12lbs over the weight I started at when I did WW back in 2006 which means 12 extra pounds I need to get rid of in order to reach my original goal weight.  NO PROBLEM!

I must admit, the decision to start at WW again took far too long but up until now I really wasn't ready to make the commitment.  What changed?  The video in the previous post had a huge impact on me and I will be eternally grateful for having the opportunity to witness such a remarkable transformation.  One I know I would not have been capable of.  My own journey is daunting enough for me.

So my first week went well, the scale at the WW weigh in was exactly 4lbs less than the week before.  My first week usually is a good one, probably because of the added water I retain because of the lack of water I drink.  I'm never without my water bottle and when I misplace it I'm in full on panic mode!  That coupled with the exorbitant amount of fruit and vegetables I'm eating has I'm sure made a difference.  No more empty calories for me! 

The nice part about WW is you don't have to eat their food.  You can eat your own and just calculate the points.  The on line tools are amazing, something that wasn't available in the same capacity the first time around.  And my iPhone app, well best invention since sliced bread I tell you!  No more writing down everything I consume, with a few taps I'm done!

So, this week my goal is to eat a larger variety of fruits and veggies, exercise twice this week and increase my intake of water.  I added a multi vitamin late last week and so far haven't missed a day.  Stay tuned for the next weigh-in.  I'm going to switch to Thursday night so it won't be a full week and it's in the evening so I don't expect a huge drop like week one.  All in all, I'm OK with that because I know this is just the beginning and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Weight Watchers works, it really does.  And if you're sitting there telling me "well, it didn't work for me" then I hate to tell you, you didn't do it right.  Or, maybe you weren't ready to commit.

Tammy.

Inspiration

I came across a video this morning on facebook.  It was posted by a friend from high school (thanks Kim) and it has inspired me to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.  My cousin said it best after viewing the shared video, and I quote "Wow amazing. I now know I am responsible for my own limitations in life."

The video and her words made me realise that I AM my own worst enemy, we all are.  I've been feeling really down lately and a lot has to do with not feeling happy with my appearance.  Granted I don't have the health issues this guy overcame but with my messed up back it's only a matter of time and I'm quickly headed in that direction.

I realise that the whole point of Spilt Milk was to help others.  Truthfully though how could I possibly help anyone feeling the way I do about myself?  That's just impossible.  So for the time being, Spilt Milk will be my forum for chronicling my transformation and with that hope to inspire those of you kind enough to read my posts as much as this man, and my very smart cousin have inspired me.

To see what I'm referring to please watch this video here and report back if you are not in the least bit inspired to get off your butt and do something to improve your life.  I promise you will thank yourself for making the decision to be a better you.  I know I have a battle ahead of me but I also know that I can do it.  I've done it once already and I know exactly what it takes.  It takes me not feeling sorry for myself, it takes me not procrastinating about it and it takes me being tired of being a fraction of the person I am meant to be.

Here's your challenge, share or keep it personal.  Make the decision to make a change in your life and then DO IT!!!! Get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just DO IT!  I do want to add however, if you are in a place that paralyzes you from making changes, get help.  My telling you to get off your ass is of no benefit if you are not in the right mind set to do this with a healthy attitude. 

So for now, I'll say.  GOOD LUCK to all of you out there who accept this challenge and I look forward to seeing not only my progress but yours as well.

Tammy.