I've blogged in the past about the importance of self-esteem and in light of current events feel it necessary to expand on the topic. Self esteem is not in and of it's self a stand alone entity, it's partnered hand in hand with self-confidence. How you view yourself is indicative of how you conduct yourself. They are the yin yang of who we are. Balance is crucial and imperative.
It's like the age old question, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Can you have self-esteem without self-confidence? Can you have self-confidence without self-esteem? I think you can have a tone of self-confidence and diminished self-esteem. Self-esteem is in essence how you view yourself, correct? Self-confidence is how others view you. You can exude self-confidence yet have a very low opinion of yourself, lets call it being humble. However if you have an elevated sense of self-esteem your self-confidence will also be elevated. Your self-confidence doesn't bolster your self-esteem, it exists in spite of it.
Ya, I know confusing. Let me give you an example. I'll use my personal experience as I know it first hand. I was in a relationship where my partner reminded me on a regular basis that I needed to loose weight. I would avoid looking in the full length mirror because I had a very poor opinion of myself, my self-esteem was as low as it could get. However, because I was still a functioning member of society and had a full time job and great friends I made sure that my self-confidence was always at the top of it's game, almost to the point of over compensation. No one was aware of how I felt about myself, I put on the self-confidence mask and muscled through.
I lost the weight I was badgered about, and yes I felt better about myself, my self-esteem rose to new heights to equal that of my self-confidence. But that doesn't mean squat because self-esteem can be dashed with one cruel word from someone you trust and respect. It is the most fragile part of our being and in an instant can be gone.
I had a conversation the other day with a supplier to the company I work for. He's a bit of a chatty cathy and our conversations usually take on a life of their own. We were talking about bullying and Amanda Todd and what kids go through these days. Well, the hard and true reality as unfortunate as it is they put themselves in these compromising situations and when the reaction they receive is not what they were hoping for and for the most part not what they expected they are unable to cope with the situation and find themselves with remorse and regret and worse deep depression and anxiety over the repercussions of what they did. I'm not saying they deserve what they get, they don't what I'm getting at is, first it shouldn't have happened in the first place and second why did it happen at all?
Diminished self-esteem and inflated self-confidence. The need to be accepted and loved and the confidence to seek it no matter the form it takes. A scary combination one that will get a young person into a lot of trouble. Why the diminished self-esteem? There can be several factors or one. It's how the individual processes what's thrown at them. As a parent you can do all you can to make sure your child feels good about themselves. As soon as a peer utters one negative statement the self-doubt begins. As I said before, self-esteem is very fragile and can be shattered in the blink of an eye.
So, to compensate self-confidence becomes exaggerated and somewhat of a Super-man, Super-woman complex sets to work. The I'M INDESTRUCTIBLE attitude takes over and dictates what will make those nasty negative comments go away. And that's when the trouble begins. That's when poor decisions are made and that's when they cross lines that should not be crossed.
There is nothing wrong with healthy self-confidence as long as there is a healthy balance of self-esteem and self-respect to go along with it. Once any part is out of balance, disaster is inevitable.
You, are a beautiful person, inside and out. And when someone tries to convince you your not then you have to, and I really mean this, you have to wonder why? Don't look at it as "they must be right" look at it as "what is so wrong with them they need to project onto me?" Not easy I know, but if you are of the mind set that everyone is entitled to their opinion, including yourself then it is easy to shrug it off and walk away.
If you're a teen struggling with this, because acceptance is so very important, keep in mind that their self-esteem is just as fragile as yours, and even though they portray huge self-confidence, their need to diminish others is a direct reflection of their own damages self-esteem.
Tammy.
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