Failure

When we set someone up to fail one of two things will happen.  They will either fail as we expect or they will succeed as we don't expect.  What then? 

Well, in a fair and just world we should praise the individual for their achievement shouldn't we?  Not look for justification in how it was our expectations that caused the victory.  Oh we can be narcissist can't we?

Unfortunately when we set someone up to fail it's because we know with certainty that we will be proven right in our judgment.  It's not about the poor individual who has just failed miserably but about our need to elevate ourselves, no matter the cost.  Who gets hurt?  The person you've just set up.

To do this to a child is unconscionable.  It is a form of child abuse and it lowers a child's fragile self esteem to the point of no recovery.  All for what? So you can say "I told you so"?  Really?  Why not teach the child how to succeed?  Why not elevate there self esteem?  Why? Because for most of us it is against our nature to put others before ourselves.  Unless of course you're a mom.  I would die for my kids, no questions asked. 

I want my kids to be a million times more successful than I could ever dream to be.  I would never "set them up to fail"  yet I see them being set up and I do nothing.  The guilt I feel about this is consuming and yet I do nothing.  I have no argument, I'm defeated at every turn.  All I can do is be there when they fail and assure them it's NOT THEIR FAULT!  How do I fight for them?  How can I help them?

All I can offer is to be there to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together. 

Tammy.