Ever encounter a situation where you really need to let someone know they are hurting a loved one? I know several people, myself included who have had to deal with this. There is a common thread with this, the individual doing the hurting needs it to be about them.
Recently a good friend received an email from an individual who just doesn't seem to get that they are hurting someone close to them. The original email from my friend indicated that they were concerned that the person being hurt would do something dangerous to themselves and the offending party needed to step up and take notice.
Well what in sued was a verbal attack and the offender twisted and turned it around to make them out to be the victim and made the whole situation about them.
I've said it before I'll say it again, this is NOT about YOU!
The way I explained it to my friend is, we know what's really going on. The other person due to lack of interest has no clue yet their feelings of utter hatred towards my friend automatically assume it's all made up and no more than crazy ramblings. The thing is, my friend is perfectly sane. The individual they deal with is and has been diagnosed with a mental disorder yet, in their mind they are not the crazy one.
It's frustrating to deal with individuals who suffer from mental instability. Whether it is diagnosed or not, these people refuse to get help. Why? Well because they honestly believe they are normal any you are the nut job. You can not explain to them that their behaviour and actions are not normal, they won't believe you. As far as they are concerned you are just out to "get" them.
As an observer in this situation I can see the dilemma, the pattern of behaviour and the resulting onslaught of written and verbal abuse issued by the unstable individual, yet they maintain there is nothing wrong with them. They are incapable of seeing the other persons point of view. They are only concerned with how this or that affects them directly and will only address that which they see either a benefit or a personal attack. They avoid issues that they cause that directly affect others, usually innocent bystanders because they feel they have had nothing to do with it.
So what do you do about it. There isn't much. These people are beyond help, they are ignorant to the problems and crisis they cause and are so driven by ego they refuse to take ownership of their actions. Sure there are professionals out there who claim they can help and for some yes they can. For these individuals though there is no help. Even if you can convince them to go for therapy they will attend a maximum three sessions, enough to placate you but not so many that they have to face their demons. They are master manipulators be certain of that and will likely only tell the therapist what they want to hear.
Time and time again I've seen and heard such stories. I've also heard about successes with therapy and there is a very big difference between those who are helped and those who can not be helped and that is willingness. Willingness to get better, willingness to take ownership and willingness to admit you were wrong and most of all willingness to ask for help. These individuals who are willing do not come from a place of ego, that is not what drives them. Those individuals who are driven by ego will never ask for help, at least not until something traumatic happens to them directly. It's a sad situation to find your self part of, all you can do is protect yourself and those closest to you by not letting the offending individual get too close. If that means leaving a toxic situation then that's what you have to do, think of yourself for once, Lord knows they only think of themselves.
Tammy.
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