If you haven't read Sun Tzu's The Art Of War, I highly recommend you do. here
It's not a how to kill your enemy guide it's a guide on how to know your enemy in order to get the better of them with out a battle. There are proven strategies that have worked for centuries. This is not a book to be taken lightly the information enclosed is invaluable.
Be very careful though that you don't absorb your enemy's negative energy. By enemy I mean anyone who does not have your best interest at heart. Lets face it, when someone is wanting something from you be it negative or positive, your decision to help is based largely on the effect it has on you either positively or negatively.
You don't have to always be the one giving. The takers of the world are very skilled at their craft and once the well has run dry on your farm, they will move on to some unsuspecting soul and suck them dry too.
Conflict will arise when you don't readily give in but give the impression that you might. You may falter in your answer, even a no with a pause in front may be taken as a maybe if they push hard enough. How to resolve this? Easy, be firm. Not so easy? Why not? Do you enjoy being taken advantage of? Do they hold some magical power over you? You know what? Yes sometimes they do. Take for example my friend, her daughter and her grandson. If she doesn't cater to her daughters demands she doesn't get to have a relationship with her grandson. Her daughter uses emotional black male to get what she wants out of her mother without concern to the damage she is doing to her son.
What to do in a situation like this? Wait. Eventually they will need a favour and forget all about the original fight (conveniently of course) let them come to you. In the case above, eventually the daughter will need someone to look after her son, and having no where else to turn will come slinking back with sugar coated words asking for this favour, but be certain that it will not be her idea but the grandson's, and while she would rather not have to ask, he's insisting. Oh, and there will be conditions, usually silly pointless conditions easily ignored once she's on her merry way.
So though this conflict wasn't necessarily resolved it was put aside and using the techniques in Art Of War Sun Tzu talks about the two methods of attack, direct and indirect and with that an endless series of maneuvers, which you choose is dependant on the circumstance that you are in. If you choose direct then you will be met directly, if you choose indirect, expect the same in return. The person who makes the first move dictates the response of the other.
If all else fails, avoidance works. That is if you really aren't interested in a battle. Sometimes we need a moment to collect our thoughts and avoidance may buy you some time. If the conflict still ensues then how you proceed will dictate the final outcome. Loosing you temper is a natural human response. Being able to control it is a skill and it's a hard one to learn. Emotions dictate the tone and temper of the conflict. It can be anything from an all out scream fest to a quiet barrage if insults and mud slinging. How you respond to any conflict will pre-determine the outcome.
If you feel a conflict arising ask yourself what you are willing to loose and gain? How will you conduct yourself and be proactive. If a conflict is inevitable take the lead. Own it, don't be blind sided by the opponents actions or comments, expect it. You know your opponent, and if you don't then don't get into it with them, walk away, there is no good to come of it, do not give energy to a fight you can not win.
I hope this helps, I know when I'm faced with having to deal with combative individuals I prepare myself for the worst but still hope for the best most peaceful outcome.
Up next, why we cry over spilt milk.
Tammy.
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