We all do it to some degree and if you deny it...you're lying.
There are several different forms of lies. There are several different reasons for lying and all of which are justifiable to the person spewing the lie. A lie is only a lie if the person being lied to finds out or already knows the truth. A lie is also a lie only if the liar gets caught. Really, think about it. If someone told you a lie, say a little white lie, we all do it. And you believed it. Is it really a lie? It's become your truth hasn't it? It's only the liar who knows it's a lie and they aren't about to fess up so it to becomes their truth. I've blogged about "False Truths" before, this is a little different.
When does a lie become exactly that? When the person being lied to finds out. Before then the lie might have been believable.
What about withholding the truth? What about avoiding being honest with some one and doing something you know you would have to lie about so not to get caught or to not have to face consequences. Is this the same thing? That's up to you to decide. If you live by "what I don't know won't hurt me" then I guess it's ok. But what if you do know? Then what?
Interesting dilemma. Do you let the person withholding information know you know? Or do you let it play out and see how far they are willing to take this risk knowing full well how you may react if you were to find out? But you already know and because you know and are withholding this knowledge does that make you a liar as well?
Tricky business this lying game. It's all a matter of morals and perspective. If you are the type of person who uses lies to get what you want from others, you can justify it eight ways to Sunday it's still lying, it's used for personal gain. If you only lie to protect yourself or others from harm is that still lying? Yes, but what is motivating the person to lie? The personal gain they seek is protection from someone else. They're justified. Still a lie though.
Little white lies, that's a grey area. We use these usually to keep from hurting someones feelings. "Honey does this dress make me look fat?" "No, you look awesome!" All the while he sees her as a beached whale in it. Should he have been honest and risk ruining their relationship? How would she have reacted if he said "Yes"? It all depends on the person. We do ask to be lied to all the time.
"Do you love me?", "I do" All the while they are planning their escape. Lies are as common place as breathing for some. It's when you encounter someone who abhors lying and liars and espouses how they NEVER lie and yet you catch them time and time again doing just that, lying. Where do you draw the line? When do you "call" them on it? How far do you let the lies go before you stop them? How do you justify their lies to make them hurt a little less? Why?
All really good questions and if even one makes you stop and think not only about what you lie about and why but what you tolerate in lies from others then this blog has value. And if you're sitting there on your high horse claiming to have never lied then I ask you this...what "little white LIE" have you ever told to your kids to keep from deeply hurting their feelings? Like, oh I don't know..."Don't be scared, that needle will only hurt a little bit" Then it's jabbed into their arm, or leg or worse mouth and they know you just lied to them. They might not believe you the next time.
Like I said, we all do it, we are all guilty at some level. But they are really only lies if we get caught right? If we can justify our reasons for doing it is it really that bad? Is it really lying? I guess that's the million dollar question.
Tammy.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Patience is a virtue.
Interesting expression isn't it, "patience is a virtue". In a world of instant everything we've lost touch with this particular virtue as we instant this and instant that. But really does it matter? I think so.
To be patient means to wait calmly, even tempered, persevering. Virtue means merit, an admirable quality, moral excellence. So, it is admirable to be able to persevere. Ok, but we don't have to any longer. For most things anyway. I find myself less and less patient these days, when once upon a time it was a quality I prided myself in. My ability to wait calmly. I struggle with this daily now and I don't think it's because as I grow older I become less patient, I think it's because I just don't have to be.
The thing is in this fast paced world we need this virtue of patience more now than ever before. Before we had no choice, today we do. We can instant message someone if we need to contact them, whereas as little as oh, 20 or so years ago less for some we would put pen to paper and send our thoughts and questions via what is now known as "snail mail" and yet that will for the most part arrive at it's destination in a matter of days.
Imagine what life was like 100 years ago? Patience was a requirement expected of everyone. Still an admirable virtue but expected none the less. Today we simply sluff it off if we see someone loosing patients with an other fellow human and chalk it down to them having a bad day. Rarely do we attribute it to them having simply lost the virtue of patience. As if patience is no longer a requirement.
My ex used to abhor the concept of patience. He would say that's just someone elses way of saying "f-you". As if being expected to wait for something was akin to being denied out right. He had and still has a low tolerance for patience and not because of the world around him but because he feels his wishes should be fulfilled instantly upon his request. The concept of having to wait for something was appalling at best.
I on the other hand have decided that I'm going to regain this virtue. I will endeavour as much as possible to be patient, even when it frustrates and annoys me to have to do so. I will wait calmly and preserver, I will embrace this admirable trait and make it mine once again. How? Don't know, but I do know what it feels like to lose my patience so acting in contrary should do the trick.
Remember, "Good things come to those who wait."
Tammy.
To be patient means to wait calmly, even tempered, persevering. Virtue means merit, an admirable quality, moral excellence. So, it is admirable to be able to persevere. Ok, but we don't have to any longer. For most things anyway. I find myself less and less patient these days, when once upon a time it was a quality I prided myself in. My ability to wait calmly. I struggle with this daily now and I don't think it's because as I grow older I become less patient, I think it's because I just don't have to be.
The thing is in this fast paced world we need this virtue of patience more now than ever before. Before we had no choice, today we do. We can instant message someone if we need to contact them, whereas as little as oh, 20 or so years ago less for some we would put pen to paper and send our thoughts and questions via what is now known as "snail mail" and yet that will for the most part arrive at it's destination in a matter of days.
Imagine what life was like 100 years ago? Patience was a requirement expected of everyone. Still an admirable virtue but expected none the less. Today we simply sluff it off if we see someone loosing patients with an other fellow human and chalk it down to them having a bad day. Rarely do we attribute it to them having simply lost the virtue of patience. As if patience is no longer a requirement.
My ex used to abhor the concept of patience. He would say that's just someone elses way of saying "f-you". As if being expected to wait for something was akin to being denied out right. He had and still has a low tolerance for patience and not because of the world around him but because he feels his wishes should be fulfilled instantly upon his request. The concept of having to wait for something was appalling at best.
I on the other hand have decided that I'm going to regain this virtue. I will endeavour as much as possible to be patient, even when it frustrates and annoys me to have to do so. I will wait calmly and preserver, I will embrace this admirable trait and make it mine once again. How? Don't know, but I do know what it feels like to lose my patience so acting in contrary should do the trick.
Remember, "Good things come to those who wait."
Tammy.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Out Of The Ashes.
Why does it take sinking to such lows that then and only then we realise our own self worth.
I think it takes hitting rock bottom to truly appreciate who we really are and the inner strength we are able to muster to bring us back from the brink. We all have ingrained survival instincts and that's what kicks in when we want to check out.
Lately I have been in the very honoured position to assist someone back from the brink. From making the absolute worse decision of their lives due to the very poor decision of another. Nuf said. What I find remarkable is the ability with which we all have within us to shift our perception to fit our needs.
When we wallow in self pitty, it isn't because someone told us to. It's a result of our persception of the situation we find our selves in. We choose how we react, we are not told how to react. That doesn't work. The position I find myself in currently is one of guidance, of sheding light on a new way of seeing things and reasurance, always positive reasureance.
Someone wallowing does not need help with this, they are doing a great job all on their own. What they do need is a voice of reason who sees this damaging behaviour and calls them on it. Gently of course but firmly. Maybe this is a gift or maybe it's just logic, but recognizing someone in dire need of gentel persuasion is something everyone has, it's a matter of taking off the blinders and stepping up to help.
It's not an easy task, knowing just what to say and when. It's not easy remaining neutral and objective when you know all the person in need, needs is a swift kick in the butt. It's not easy not absorbing their problems and making them your own. It's a fine line to walk a balancing act of epic proprotions but it can be done with the right skills.
Elevating someone out of their low is to be done with great trepidation. Do not assume because they tell you they are all right that they are. Monitor behaviour, check in offten and make sure the know that you really care. That you have their best interest at heart and you are always there for them. Most of all, make sure you are always there. You don't need a degree in psychology to be a friend, just be sure to be the best friend you can be. If you are not in a position to offer help, don't, you'll only make matters worse.
I came across a status up date on facebook today that sums it up beautifully. I don't know who said it but I do know who posted it and I would like to thank them for this little nugget of inspiration...
Tammy.
I think it takes hitting rock bottom to truly appreciate who we really are and the inner strength we are able to muster to bring us back from the brink. We all have ingrained survival instincts and that's what kicks in when we want to check out.
Lately I have been in the very honoured position to assist someone back from the brink. From making the absolute worse decision of their lives due to the very poor decision of another. Nuf said. What I find remarkable is the ability with which we all have within us to shift our perception to fit our needs.
When we wallow in self pitty, it isn't because someone told us to. It's a result of our persception of the situation we find our selves in. We choose how we react, we are not told how to react. That doesn't work. The position I find myself in currently is one of guidance, of sheding light on a new way of seeing things and reasurance, always positive reasureance.
Someone wallowing does not need help with this, they are doing a great job all on their own. What they do need is a voice of reason who sees this damaging behaviour and calls them on it. Gently of course but firmly. Maybe this is a gift or maybe it's just logic, but recognizing someone in dire need of gentel persuasion is something everyone has, it's a matter of taking off the blinders and stepping up to help.
It's not an easy task, knowing just what to say and when. It's not easy remaining neutral and objective when you know all the person in need, needs is a swift kick in the butt. It's not easy not absorbing their problems and making them your own. It's a fine line to walk a balancing act of epic proprotions but it can be done with the right skills.
Elevating someone out of their low is to be done with great trepidation. Do not assume because they tell you they are all right that they are. Monitor behaviour, check in offten and make sure the know that you really care. That you have their best interest at heart and you are always there for them. Most of all, make sure you are always there. You don't need a degree in psychology to be a friend, just be sure to be the best friend you can be. If you are not in a position to offer help, don't, you'll only make matters worse.
I came across a status up date on facebook today that sums it up beautifully. I don't know who said it but I do know who posted it and I would like to thank them for this little nugget of inspiration...
Tammy.
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