I remember my teenage years, I don't recall being "difficult" I don't think I was. My sister on the other hand, well she was a handful to say the least. :)
One thing I to remember is being taught to respect my elders. If I didn't then there would be hell to pay. I recall being upset with my dad, and literally whispering under my breath "shut-up" well, my mom heard and ya, I was grounded for two weeks. Believe me, that was painful because that was way back when teens didn't have cell phones or facebook accounts or laptops or any other multi media device that contributes to anti-social behaviour. Back in my day if you wanted to see your friends you called them on a telephone, or made plans at school to meet up at the mall or where ever the cool place was to go.
Today, kids it seems have very little respect for their elders. They are handed everything on a silver platter and have no idea what it means to work for their myriad of gadgets. For the most part at least, I do know a few rare teens out there who do work for what they want and they do have a sense of respect for adults but honestly those are the very rare exception.
If there are parents of soon to be tweens out there reading this here's some advice. Start now, instilling in your kids that they can't have everything their hearts desire without a little effort on their part. Giving your kids everything will back fire on you I guarantee. You are starting a process of narcissistic behaviour and if you don't watch out you will be dealing with extremely difficult if not abusive teens when the time arrives.
My kids 15, and 13 1/2 get weekly "pep talks" about proper behaviour and attitude about appreciation and the requirement for hard work to attain their earthly desires. They are rewarded for their accomplishments and are punished for inappropriate behaviour. There is no uttered threat without follow through. If I say something will be removed after a first warning, there are no second or third warnings, it's gone. They know this because they have tested the waters and learned early I will not stand for their b.s. just like my parents didn't.
One thing that I do notice is how many teens out there are absolutely horrible to their parents. It's mind boggling to hear or see how these "entitled brats" treat their parents. My kids know I will not tolerate such disrespect and if they try there will be hell to pay. That doesn't make me a mean mom, I'm quite nice to my kids because they deserve that, and in return I deserve their respect, period. But what if your rotten kid doesn't see it that way? What if he or she thinks your world revolves around them? Then what? Is it a result of bad parenting? No, not necessarily, but rather a result of enabling.
Kids need guidance and mentoring, if you feel that you must give your child everything they ask for, and do not follow through on punishing bad behaviour you are enabling narcissistic behaviour whether you like it or not, you are teaching them this is how you act when you want something and if you don't get it you throw a tantrum until you do get your way. As painful as it may seem they need to know the meaning of the word NO and they need to respect your decision to use the word NO. They have no problem tossing it about when they don't want to do something you've asked right? And they expect you to respect their rights don't they, why not expect the same in return.
You have to lay the ground work early. You have to let your kids know you will not tolerate disrespectful behaviour and that proper behaviour will be rewarded. You have to follow through on threats of discipline and you have to be firm, not wishy washy. All the "experts" say the same thing, kids need to be taught. Taught everything about life, they are not born all knowing, even though I know my fair share of know it all teenagers, they haven't got a clue how idiotic they look and act. It's almost comical if it wasn't so sad.
All I can hope for anyone out there reading this is that they look at this objectively and not say "oh, this isn't about me because I don't enable my kid." Well, that's great, but I bet you're in denial. Everyone does it, even I do it and immediately regret it and have to back peddle to correct MY behaviour, usually it's not too late but sometimes I have to follow through on promises and just eat crow. I guarantee though I don't get caught a second time. One thing to keep in mind, kids are master manipulators they learn at a very young age what works with their parents and what doesn't, you need to catch them at this game and turn it around because when they get out in the real world they are in for a shock.
Thanks for reading,
Tammy.
